Random Thoughts about life and such.

I wanted to start this blog to get out any thoughts that might be creeping in my mind. I’m not the best at voicing my thoughts. For me it’s like, Who really cares? I’m not that interesting. I’ll just come off at whiny. So I try not to write when my emotions are high only because my mind is in a selfish state and I’ll only think about my point of view rather than try to see other points of view. 

Now, what do I want my Blogs theme to be? I’m no relationship guru, in fact I have very little experience in the field. They say you should write what you know, I know retail. I’ve worked in retail for 5 years. Coming from never working as a teen and not understanding how things worked, it was a real shocker to see how cruel some people can be to people in customer service. 

So that’s one thing I know for sure. Retail. 

What else is interesting about my life. I play video games. I read books. I draw. I love music. My favorite shows are House, Game of Thrones, Doctor Who. 

At the end of the day, I’m anti-social and a hermit. I want to have a social life, I want to see friends more, I want to have more adventures and live a more fulfilling life. My problem is that I’m scared. I’m awkward in social situations, I hate taking risks, I tell myself I can’t afford to travel, I tell myself anything to keep me from living. 

I have a lot of dreams and aspirations. I want to move to a bigger city, preferably Toronto, near were my best friend lives. I want to be an art student. I want to be completely independent. I want to make more friends. I want to know how to talk to guys. I want a life worth talking about. 

I just have no idea were I should start. I procrastinate and I talk myself down from things that scare me. I’m afraid of moving someplace where I’ll be completely alone and have to figure things out on my own. 

Life Scares Me, yet it’s the one thing I desire most. 

Image

Facebook Addiction

Image

Facebook. Almost everyone has one, even Grandparents it seems. You can’t escape it, everywhere you go there are “Like Our Facebook Page” signs posted almost everywhere. It’s the only way to communicate these days. It has it’s pros and cons like everything in life. The one thing that is causing a lot of problems though seems to be ‘Facebook Addiction’.

The past few weeks it has been bothering me none stop. I hate this website. I hate everything it represents. I hate that its always the same thing, everyday. I hate that when I’m out in the real world, I ache to look at this thing. That if I can’t log on I feel as if I’m missing something. Something big must be happening. Someone must be trying to message me. Did I get a notification? Why hasn’t anyone liked my status? That was hilarious. Does he have a Girlfriend? Who is she?  She saw my message why hasn’t she replied? Is she mad at me? They’re back together? Did he delete me?

It’s sickening how I could just sit there staring at this little screen in my hands constantly scrolling. Letting reality pass me by over this virtual world. I don’t talk to most of the people on my friends list, maybe less than 50 are even relevant in my life. Yet I feel like somehow, because I don’t have 600 friends like the next person, I am irrelevant. It’s pathetic really. I hate that it has take so much time out of my life trying to convince others I have a great life when my life consists of constant scrolling and not interacting with those around me. If I misplace my phone its like a part of me is missing and my social life is over.

Sure i have a phone line, but who likes getting phone calls these day? The only people who even have my phone number are my Mom, Grandma and Work. That’s it.

I already had terrible social skills as a teen, but with this world full of new technologies and Facebook, I’m even more useless in a social setting. I have a really hard time connecting with people face to face. I trip over my words and never really say what I meant to say. I have to get really comfortable around people before I can comfortably talk to anyone. I honestly blame Facebook for this, it affects many people.

I envy those who don’t fall into Facebooks spell, I wish I had their restraint. I wish I could casually use Facebook without it consuming me for hours on end.

Last night I had enough, I just looked at my Newsfeed and thought. Everything. Everyday. Everyone. It’s all the same. It doesn’t change. It doesn’t define me. Those who are truly there for me will go out of their way to be in my life. The rest of these people, they mean nothing. They could careless if I’m not on Facebook. They don’t care that I’m excited about Doctor Who. They don’t care if I’m playing Silent Hill. They don’t care who I’m with and where I’m eating. What book I just finished reading and how amazing the ending was.

Facebook is a world were, if your not a beautiful heart breaker, No Body Cares.

Plain and simple. No. One. Cares!

So I messaged those who I actually cared to stay in contact with that I was deactivating my account and to text me if they wanted to get a hold of me. I clicked the button saying “Deactivate” and watched as “My World” went Bye Bye.

Part of me felt like, “Oh you’ll be back, just log back in now and tell everyone you couldn’t do it.” And sure, I will probably be back. For whatever reason, I get sucked back in, maybe an hour from now or even a year, part of me knows… I’ll be back. But as of now, in my rational mind. I am done with it.

I am breaking free and attempting to find friends the old fashioned way. To talk to people in person. To learn to live life to the fullest and not behind a screen.

So I’m starting this blog, I don’t expect much if any traffic through here. I don’t expect anyone to care. In this end, here I am.

Ready to Live 😉

-K